I looked at the heading for the first section of this chapter- and prayed. I already knew it was for me. The last couple days I have felt something that is causing division in my soul- and this morning I realized it is the love of the world. One of my biggest struggles is loving things of the world- fashion, thinking of myself in the world- more highly than I ought and being consumed with things that seem practical and logical- but become idols. There is nothing wrong with looking nice- but when you think about it too much, it's a problem. There is nothing wrong with having confidence- as long as it's in the Lord and because of who HE is rather that who I AM and as long as it's in HIM and not in the world. There is nothing wrong with the new blender/saute pan/knives/dinnerware/flatware/indoor grill/placemats/napkins/skewers/grill plates/panini maker/tea kettle that I want (and some of you can clearly see my problem) but when I spend hours comparing them or get anxiety about it- it's obviously an issue! It's crazy because I didn't realize I was internally struggling with these things until I saw the heading in this chapter- than BAM- He smacked me over the head with a few things. Oddly though, I LOVE when He does that! Thank you JESUS! So, when I read the couple verses, I knew how I could identify with it. Here are the first two verses: "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so your fight and quarrel." Here is my confession- No, I dont' want to murder anybody. But, when I want something that I know I shouldn't have because I have spent way too much thought on it (trying to convince myself why I need it so badly) or when I want something logical but can't afford it with my spending money (we do the envelope system with personal spending money), I get mad. I get mad because my "passions are at war within" me. I want something I know will not build me up and might even cause me to step backward in my faith or in the way God has led me, but yet it seems so innocent at the same time. I might want something I think I need, or want so badly, but inside I know I don't, and it's in fact foolish to buy. I find myself- either way- fighting against the world. The world has desires that entice me- it might not be sinful in itself, it might not be sinful at all- but regardless, I need to make conscious decisions- is this wise? Does this cause me to stumble? Is this pride? Is this bringing me closer to Jesus? Does Jesus approve (of what I'm wearing, of what I want to buy, of how I am thinking about myself)? This causes quarrels between me and Joey (my husband) because I drag him into it- unintentionally making it his problem rather than mine. I ask him to buy it for me, or whine at him because I don't have money enough to buy this "thing I really want" or "thing I really need". I try to justify my issue through him- in a sense, passing off my responsibilities and asking him to deal with them. I am now realizing is this in regards to the things I want/need/think I need: I have a good husband. He wants to provide for me. I also have a great God. He also wants to provide for me. Between the two of them, if it's something I NEED, one of them will provide it for me! The reason my repentance is SO IMPORTANT regarding this, my confidence and what I wear is because of verse 4: Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoevever wishes to be a friend with the world makes himself an enemy with God." Now you're probably thinking, "Leanne, a new saute pan isn't making yourself an enemy with God." And I totally agree- but with my mind and heart being consumed by these things creates idolatry. And idolatry is worship. And worship of any other thing but God- is a sin. Some of you think I'm going over board. But I will say this: I would rather go over board and keep myself as pure as I know how, then to ignore these things and fall into pride, ignorance and have an unrepentant heart that leads to death. You may not have any struggle with these things, but I know myself well enough, that although I could try and justify it till I'm blue in the face, I know- deep within me- that I am giving part of my heart to the world. Verse 17: "So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." Thank you Jesus, once again! See brothers and sisters- for me it is sin if I ignore what the Spirit lays on my heart.
Isn't it great when you get- first hand- a testimony??? You do realize that all of this realization is happening at this exact moment!! If any of you can relate to this, I encourage you to "like" this with the Facebook like button or leave a comment. You don't need to leave you real name if you don't want to. But I'd love to hear your personal story!! You can also email me at feedback@pruningme.com.
~Leanne~
Isn't it great when you get- first hand- a testimony??? You do realize that all of this realization is happening at this exact moment!! If any of you can relate to this, I encourage you to "like" this with the Facebook like button or leave a comment. You don't need to leave you real name if you don't want to. But I'd love to hear your personal story!! You can also email me at feedback@pruningme.com.
~Leanne~
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